Life does not always go the way we planned it to be. Most of the time it chooses the bitter path rather than the life-everyone-wanted. Been there experienced that. Many times. I don't know if I am able to handle any damn dramas, bullshits and etc nymore. As I get older, I'm expecting to meet matured kind of people but then, again, I am wrong. The people are still the same, the shits are still there, in fact, multiplying and relationships start to grow further. It is somehow sad I am still insecure to share my feelings, scared to make friends and too damn hard to trust people with my stories.
There are nice people around me but how long can I depend on them? how long will they be there for me? how much can I trust them not to be apart from me? Those are the questions that keep bothering me. The more I keep it to myself, the more painful it gets. Laugh at me while you're reading this. But this is the only way I could let a bit of my trapped feelings go away.
I just wish for a more sincere people in this world. A friend that will always be with you through ups and down, the partner that understands you even when you are being complicated. Because most of the time, I myself can't figure out what I want and what makes me act in certain ways. Have to admit that I have a huge ego but you can't reply ego with ego. Same goes when someone is acting strange and the other person acts shitty just because they do not fancy the treatment they got. You can't be the oil onto the fire. Be the water, calm the other person, give some space but not f leave. But some people don't get that. When they gave that kind of treatment, they'll receive the same treatment in return.
Life is good when you wisely chose the person to be with. Either for friend or for long term investment. I just hope that someday, somewhere out there, someone will accept me as I am. Able to lower my ego and treat each other equally. Nothing more. It feels good to write. Salam