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Brace yourself to take a deep dive of my thoughts which involve different waves of emotions. I rarely write these days. Partly because I try hard not to embrace my inner demon and also I have my other online diary which happens to be my twitter. Here is when I wish to write more than 140 characters. I ain't no Lang Leav, but we sure share the same emotions. ;) email me at najmiezamrose@yahoo.com

Friday, September 5, 2014

everybody has those days....

One day, I just like to sit and figure out what type of person I really wanna be. Am I those people who care more for themselves or more for other people. BUT I don't want to be neither both. Can I be the best out of both people? I don't want to look selfish or neither am I want to look foolish. But how is that even possible. I am no good in making decisions. Whatever I decided, will always turn out to be bad for me or people around me. I have always living in a dilemma. 

I want to do good with people but I have a very low tolerance with people. They can't stand me, I can't stand them, then it is time for any of us to leave. That is one thing about it. I let people come and go as they wish to do. I unintentionally hurt people every time they come close. Like every fucking time. So the only way to avoid that from happening is to keep my distance away from people which I fail to do. I believe sometimes we just wanna be alone and to which I can relate because I have always enjoy my time alone but truth is, that is the time where my mind runs wild. In which sometimes will affect my emotion, my imbalance emotion. Done.

Question :

Why am I always the one to be hurting people?

The funny thing is I have no intention of doing so but I am always the one to be blamed. Anyone care to tell me if I did anything wrong that everyone keeps on turning their back from me? I have no power or neither do I have anything to stop anyone from leaving but people keep on walking away from me. Damn you feelings, why do you even care to appear now. 

I've been trying to control the situation when everything is just wrong and falling apart. Presumably, everyone might have their own problems but mine it seems like they are never going to end. One after another. Gosh I don't even know where to start or what's my point anymore. 

People might not notice it, but it is proven that physical or emotional damage can change people into someone different. The proof? Let's just take a moment and look at our surrounding. Aren't those bullies are people who were once bullied in school? May be yes, because they took the easy way out to prevent from being bullied again. (mula merepek) But surely, different people have different problems. In my case, the only valid solution is to suck it up and deal with it. True. So stop it Najmie. 

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