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Brace yourself to take a deep dive of my thoughts which involve different waves of emotions. I rarely write these days. Partly because I try hard not to embrace my inner demon and also I have my other online diary which happens to be my twitter. Here is when I wish to write more than 140 characters. I ain't no Lang Leav, but we sure share the same emotions. ;) email me at najmiezamrose@yahoo.com

Sunday, October 26, 2014

#icrieveritaime

Emotional reading material. Do not read, you'll puke !

So yeah, here I am about to write some pathetic essay about my pathetic relationships I have with people around me. Let it be romantic relationship, friendship or bloodship (is that even a word?). I don't know if I am any good in any of that listed ships. I guess I don't easily go along very well with people but once I'm comfortable, I wouldn't mind to spare some time for these people. Sadly, Im always stuck with false hope relationships. and yet people still ask me the same question "why are you very secretive?" "why can't you trust me?" whattt?! It's because the things I have experienced that turned me into this. oh k....

I know I am not the type of girl people would date and I am okay with that. But people always mistaken me with the one who goes around dating every guy. Bitch, I'm not even hot to start with. And I am not even good with words or body gestures to be that attractive or flirty. Guy friends, maybe but not more than that. Some of them even call me their bro. Yes, like the rest of the other people, I've been bro-zoned by many people. But that is not the issue here. Never was.

You know, sometimes too many friends equals to, too many enemies. Maybe that is why I have a very small circle of people. You'll see me with the same group of people every time. There are only a few people I can really rely on. And also because people leave. Whenever I am close to someone or getting comfortable with them, they'll leave without telling me why. It is always the same excuse "no I did not leave you, maybe you are over-thinking it" oh please, tell me again I am wrong..

Okay, it is hard for me to understand, why people try so hard to gain someone's trust just to break them at the end? Is it fun to make fun of people who trusted you? Is it satisfying to make people believe with empty promises? Shit I can't brain this insanity. Truth is, what's in my mind is greater than what I have written. Far greater than what I have spoken. My mind has a mind on its own. damn you mind ! 

Its three fucking am in the morning. I need to sleep. My devilish mind is keeping me awake. oh no. 

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