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Brace yourself to take a deep dive of my thoughts which involve different waves of emotions. I rarely write these days. Partly because I try hard not to embrace my inner demon and also I have my other online diary which happens to be my twitter. Here is when I wish to write more than 140 characters. I ain't no Lang Leav, but we sure share the same emotions. ;) email me at najmiezamrose@yahoo.com

Sunday, January 25, 2015

Plain Najmie is plain

Truth to be told, I am the most plain boring person on earth. Who would wanna date someone plain right? Not that I'm complaining, but I'm just saying that I am not fun to be with. Maybe that is why people tend to enjoy my company only for a while. While my expectation is high on people, I am always left disappointed. I hate being surrounded with people but at the same time I hate people leaving me alone. I am sorry for being such a complicated child. 

I could cry buckets but still no one will ever understand me. Can't people just like someone for who that person really is. As how unattractive he/she may be, oh well at least that person is being him/herself. It's sad that I'm living in the world with poor mentality that prefer looks over personality. Not that I want to point myself as a person with good personality, but you might want to know me first before judging me based on my look. Most of the time I choose to go out with wearing only big t-shirt and my faded jeans with a cap. If that is not the most comfortable clothes, I don't know what else will. But in different time of the day, I tend to wear something presentable. Some styles I would call classic but not too classic. I wish I can spend more money on clothes to prove to everyone what money could do and change you. 

I hate to be in a competition that I have no chance of winning. I mean, if I were to compete with other girls out there, they will definitely thrash the hell out of me. I can't dance. I can't make cute gestures (eww?) I can't stare people in the eye. I don't know how to be or look attractive. But I can make you laugh? I mean if that even count? or maybe I can just annoy you the whole day? Why the hell am I promoting myself anyway? okay this is getting overwritten. nuff now. 

Monday, January 19, 2015

She is how you treat her....

In my honest opinion, girls don't need you boys to buy her all the fancy stuffs. But once you have spoiled her and suddenly stop giving, that is when it becomes an issue. It would be nice to receive flowers or small gift once in a while but I believe it does not necessary as frequent as the meeting should be. I mean, it is okay to meet your girl empty handed. If you expect the girl to be okay without getting any gift and not being demanding, don't give her that kind of privilege during the first few months. Same like kids, she'll grow to be like how you treated her. The more you spoil her with stuffs, the more she'll ask for more. To be honest, I never fancy gifts from anyone since I was brought up without getting too much things from my parents. I was only given with what I was supposed to have. Alhamdulillah I grew up just fine. 

I wouldn't mind to spend for myself on my own meal during dates. I am you can say paranoid about people spending on me. Because if a guy wouldn't mind to spend on me, he'll do the same to other girls wouldn't he? That is why I would rather pay for my own meal and not feel special about a guy buying me meal. Sorry if it sounded kinda rude but been there done that, so yeah. I know that trick. 

Too many times I heard guys complaining about how demanding girls are, Oh well, sometimes it is because you're dating someone out of your league. Lets just say, you're dating a rich girl and you expect her to get less than what she is getting from her family? Does that make sense? No it does not. So basically you do understand what I'm trying to say here, don't you? Date someone you'll afford to go out with. Not everyone is demanding and not every girl is going to date you because of what you have. Like me, as long as you're there for me, that would be enough. 


I don't think I can do this any longer. I hate living in denial trying to convince myself that everything is going to be alright when it is not. It has been too long since the last time. I don't want this anymore. I am no longer who I am 5 years ago. Enough is enough I am now ready to move on with my life not wanting to wait anymore. I can barely portray the features since it has been too long. It is nothing like what I have ever imagined. All you had to do was too easy but you blew your chance when you had it. I pushed everyone away because I gave too many chances. Yes, I am sure you'll understand this. No one will ever understand this but you surely will. Because I am writing this to point this to none other. Torn and tired. I am being obvious now and using all the easy words to make you understand. If only I had the courage to delete everything related, things would be easier. Now I am laughing to myself for being such an idiot. But fret not, now that I have figured it out, I'll no longer need this shit. I'm out not for short while but forever. 

Saturday, January 3, 2015

Sorry I have not write much lately (an apology to myself)...I have run out of ideas what to write or maybe because too much things are happening lately, I don't know which to write first. Well basically, life has been amazing. Alhamdulillah my 2014 was not that bad and 2015 started very well with good people and good food. Oh yea, anyway, I ate a lot lately. I don't know what has got into me, but I ate like a lot of lot. My food enthusiasm has grown larger since 2015 started. I know it has only been three days, but really, no kidding..I ATE A LOT. and by a lot I mean a lot. Usually I only care to eat once a day but now I can eat brunch, then lunch, then tea time, then dinner and it does not end there....and finally supper. Please don't be surprise if you see the different me after this. Maybe I'll grow bigger any day from now. And I don't even go for exercise. Most of the time I'll be on my bed lying lifelessly or I'll be looking inside the fridge for foods. Most of my money spent on food and more food. Maybe I eat in a small portion, but still it costs me as much as the normal portion. Other than loving food, not much to tell tho I have been facing many dramas I must say, my life is perfectly normal with normal people around me. Although they are a bit crazy but crazy is normal to me. so yeah. Bye for now.

wandering mind

As usual, when you are trying to get some rest, your mind will try to take control and affect your emotions. It is something out out your control. It happens to me every single night. This explains why I am always a late sleeper. But no not today, today I'll write about something different. About how old-fashioned I actually am. Truth to be told, I prefer getting letters, cards or anything hand written by someone. For me, it actually shows how much effort you have to show to someone. Because sending letters is the best thing to tell someone anything without getting any limit. Most of the time, it will also involves emotions as you write personally to the person that might means a lot to you. It is something tangible and something that could last forever if it is given to the right person. Letters create a connection in a more personal way in which can't be done through text messages or any modern communication medium. In other word, it can hardly be replaced. For me, I used to write letters to many people I would call pen-pal (when was the last time you heard this word? ikr !) in different places. Some are even those who live in US and also England. People I knew through Myspace or from sports day (my school invite international team once a year to our school btw). It was the best feeling ever getting letters with your name on it. But somehow, one time everyone stopped sending letters to each other and I no longer write letters. Sad, I know. Nowadays, the closest letter people would possibly get is only warning letter (not funny? sorry..at least I tried). I just wish that people would still give me letters or birthday cards, that would be lovely. Only then I can stop spending so much time trying to develop my relationship with people through phones. lol.