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Brace yourself to take a deep dive of my thoughts which involve different waves of emotions. I rarely write these days. Partly because I try hard not to embrace my inner demon and also I have my other online diary which happens to be my twitter. Here is when I wish to write more than 140 characters. I ain't no Lang Leav, but we sure share the same emotions. ;) email me at najmiezamrose@yahoo.com

Tuesday, February 10, 2015

Sometimes, pain that makes you go stronger. Pain is inevitable, whenever you're trying to do the right thing and you fail, you'll feel the pain. Getting your heart broken, that is also pain. When you accidentally kick the corner of your bed with your toe, that's another kind of pain. But pain is pain. What I'm trying to say here is you'll somehow need to feel pain in order to grow up. The older you get, the harder you'll feel the pain. Sooner or later, your feelings will be dead or maybe gone. You'll left with only depression. That is if you let the pain overtake you, but as an adult, you need to realize, pain can be control. I'm not trying to sound like a real wise one but well at least I've been there done that and my method worked out well for me. So here I am trying to give suggestion to other people in a hope I can offer them some help. When I was left broken hearted, I chose to become heartless. Ignored all the feelings I had and just move on. At first, it wasn't easy because all the feelings you had suddenly need to be thrown away just like that. I didn't want to let my sadness consumed me so the only choice I had, was to be strong. It helps me to get thru the days, acted like nothing happened. No, I was not pretending but I gave myself a chance to get thru the pain in a positive way. Of course the positivity came from the people I hangout with and all the activities I did. I didn't talk much about the pain, tried hard not to remember the story. Well, its true, the more you talk about it, the more it will bother you. So I decided not to talk much about it but only to some point when I couldn't keep it anymore. People will break your heart and you somehow will break others' heart too. That's just life. You can never keep yourself happy all the time and you can never satisfy people all the time. For time being, I'm making plans for myself. Going solo or maybe with few close friends. 

Wednesday, February 4, 2015

Deterioration

"Tak apa Allah kan ada"

Probably the most soothing thing to hear coming out from anyone's mouth when you tell them about your problems. I am no longer able to cope with the things that keep on linger in my head. They bother me a lot and starting to steal my happiness and positivity away. In other word, I'm about to lose my head. 

From one problem to another. Different days, different rejections. Yes you can say I am fear of rejection. In this point of life, rejections come in many forms. From rejection comes disappointment. Growing up as me, I am fear to be too excited for something that is yet to be mine as I've been thru a lot of disappointment. Whenever I am super excited for 90% of my success, there you go, catastrophe ! Everything goes to waste. Well not to sound pathetic but I am pretty sure a lot of things have been trying to pull me down lately. To be honest, I am on the edge of breaking down. If it is not because of my family and closest friends, I would have been down in the drain right now. 

I have so many plans in life that require me to do a lot of adjustment with my current life. I have become an indecisive person that I often doubt myself whenever it involves decision making. Oh man, I can't even trust myself with decision for myself, my own self? I always end up asking opinion from other people when I am already decided for myself just to reconfirm my decision. Sometimes I have a lot to think about at once but sometimes there is nothing inside my head. Everything usually turns blank and unconsciously I'll be staring on empty spaces. I hate it when it happens, but most of the time I can't control myself. The usual way I'll do to comfort myself is to talk back to myself. Well basically, my life revolves around me and about me. wow, I am such a me person am I? 

For now, I just wanna get things done and over with. This is too much for me. ergh kbai.