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Brace yourself to take a deep dive of my thoughts which involve different waves of emotions. I rarely write these days. Partly because I try hard not to embrace my inner demon and also I have my other online diary which happens to be my twitter. Here is when I wish to write more than 140 characters. I ain't no Lang Leav, but we sure share the same emotions. ;) email me at najmiezamrose@yahoo.com

Wednesday, February 4, 2015

Deterioration

"Tak apa Allah kan ada"

Probably the most soothing thing to hear coming out from anyone's mouth when you tell them about your problems. I am no longer able to cope with the things that keep on linger in my head. They bother me a lot and starting to steal my happiness and positivity away. In other word, I'm about to lose my head. 

From one problem to another. Different days, different rejections. Yes you can say I am fear of rejection. In this point of life, rejections come in many forms. From rejection comes disappointment. Growing up as me, I am fear to be too excited for something that is yet to be mine as I've been thru a lot of disappointment. Whenever I am super excited for 90% of my success, there you go, catastrophe ! Everything goes to waste. Well not to sound pathetic but I am pretty sure a lot of things have been trying to pull me down lately. To be honest, I am on the edge of breaking down. If it is not because of my family and closest friends, I would have been down in the drain right now. 

I have so many plans in life that require me to do a lot of adjustment with my current life. I have become an indecisive person that I often doubt myself whenever it involves decision making. Oh man, I can't even trust myself with decision for myself, my own self? I always end up asking opinion from other people when I am already decided for myself just to reconfirm my decision. Sometimes I have a lot to think about at once but sometimes there is nothing inside my head. Everything usually turns blank and unconsciously I'll be staring on empty spaces. I hate it when it happens, but most of the time I can't control myself. The usual way I'll do to comfort myself is to talk back to myself. Well basically, my life revolves around me and about me. wow, I am such a me person am I? 

For now, I just wanna get things done and over with. This is too much for me. ergh kbai. 

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