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Brace yourself to take a deep dive of my thoughts which involve different waves of emotions. I rarely write these days. Partly because I try hard not to embrace my inner demon and also I have my other online diary which happens to be my twitter. Here is when I wish to write more than 140 characters. I ain't no Lang Leav, but we sure share the same emotions. ;) email me at najmiezamrose@yahoo.com

Sunday, November 26, 2017

My Day In A Life Time

I honestly can't remember when was the last time I am my true self...I have been so distracted and exhausted...Not only I have to deal with my never ending tasks, also having to combat my way out of people's bullshit is just absurd...

Most of the time I conceal my feelings because no one really cares...In other time, I choose to convey my frustrations on papers because they won't reply me with stupid answer and they won't question me...So I get to write what I want and what I feel like writing...
I know I may not be right all the time, in fact that's fine...But being told my decisions affect others, is just too much...

Cmon people, just be frank...You messed up...well I messed up too..But I don't blame other people...So to blame me for something I have no idea of, is unfair...To summarise this, I still have no reason to like human in general...wtv...

Monday, July 24, 2017

The long overdue write up...

You know how words tend to heal a broken heart? 

Yes. It's a like a therapeutic for me.
Every words I write, I pour my heart onto it.
With every words on the paper or slide, I imagine it with my eyes open.

It's amazing but some people don't know it.
Or maybe they don't get the same feeling when they write.
The first word is always the hardest.
But once you've started, one page is never enough.

It's true, not everyone can write.
I wouldnt say I can, but fuck it, who is there to judge? 
After all, you write to feel alright.
If it helps to ease the pain and forget the other things, why not? 

Again, why not? 

To go faster or slower in life?

There are days when nothing feels right. Not a phone call neither a cheerful surprise could make it up on that day. In my case, in happens quite regularly.

You know like when you have a specific plan on how your day should turn out but someone or something causes it to not happen or maybe a slight change in plan? That breaks my heart too.

Maybe I let the pressure of life's timelines get to me. But it's my nature to follow what I have already planned. My mistake is that I always expect other people to follow my pace. I know I can be so practical and focused in my every day life, but that is simply because I can't bear any more disappointment in my life.

At times, I can be extremely moody that I can't even tell why and how to overcome that. These are the toughest time for me and for people around me. Hence, I would just isolate myself and detach myself from people.

Luckily I have great people who understand me very well which I have no intention to push them away. Having these people around always keep me sane and appreciate my life. :)

Monday, March 13, 2017

1 : 30

Seriously tired and no time for anymore bullshit. Why can't people just leave me alone and let me be happy for once. Everything is just killing me right now. Mentally and physically tortured. Sigh. 

Can't feel anything and to feel everything at once are the two best things I can do. 

Friday, February 24, 2017

If only anyone would listen

Honestly, I write most of the time to make people listen and truly understand what I'm trying to say. 

I love to speak my mind and be honest about my feelings. Which people sometimes take it for granted. 

I can't make people listen to me neither can I force anyone to react the way I expect them too. 

Being open about yourself is being vulnerable. By being vulnerable, it gives out window for anyone to hurt you and your feelings. 

But maybe I'm just overthinking it. This is what 5am thoughts do to you. Sigh.